I stare at the Sun. It begins burning my eyes but that cannot be helped. I stare at the Sun. Studying each of the flares that erupt from its core. The fusion-created energy that gives me life.
I must turn. I must follow a path for which I have no map. Away from the Sun. Away from the fusion-created energy that gives me life. Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I must turn. I must not stop until it is dark. Until the Sun is long gone. Not a blip in a black sky.
I turn away. I will myself not to look back. It will only delay my fate. The moment when I am cast from the fusion-created energy that gives me life. The shadows are at first long. I feel burning against my naked neck. There will be water along the way, I am told, and food when I must rest.
The shadows lighten as the distance increases. I drink. It has been hours since I turned. I cannot, I will not turn back. Exhaustion grinds me to a halt. I find food as I fall to the ground.
When I awaken I am in a wood. The Sun is behind me but I cannot, will not look at it. Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
I walk and walk. Drink. Grind myself to exhaustion. Eat. Sleep. And I awake and arise and walk again. After days uncounted I awake in a dessert. Dunes as far as my burnt eyes can see. The Sun burning behind me. I cannot, I will not look at it.
Seven days. Seven weeks. Seven years. I neither know nor care. It does not matter. I may not look on the Sun again. Father forgive me for I have sinned. I had love. I was loved. I did not love back. I sinned. I awake and arise and walk. Drink, collapse, eat, sleep. I am Sisyphus. My stone is my unfaithfulness. My hill the rest of my days. Always days when I cannot, I will not look at the Sun. For I have sinned.
July 31, 2019